The campaign is on! I’m on a mission to be cast as the next ‘James Bond’, as it appears Daniel Craig is moving on from the role. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and truly believe that I, Benjamin ‘Spreadable’ Holland, am the perfect fit to fill the shoes of Mr.Craig (or at least buy a pair that are similar but at a bargain price).
I’ve discussed in length and great detail throughout the show why I am the Bond this country needs right now. Here are a few examples why…
- I’m cheaper than Craig – Rumor has it Daniel Craig has being offered £150 million (!!!) to return as Bond for 2 more films. This is quite frankly outrageous, as I am available and cheaper than this. I won’t name my price, but lets just say its about the price of 24 Bond films on DVD (my research for the role).
- I don’t look anything like someone who should be Bond – The ultimate disguise for the worlds greatest spy (next to Danger Mouse). I don’t look like a spy, so why would bad guys be suspicious of me? With me as Bond, bad guys will never suspect that there operation has being infiltrated, considering me nothing more than an unpaid intern at there secret lair.
- I do a great Roger Moore impression – Honestly, it’s spot on.
- I come with my OWN theme song – The ‘Ben on Toast’ Jingle is already proving to be the smash hit of the year, climbing the charts (TBC) and taking the nation (Crawley) by storm. With me as Bond, the theme song will be ‘Ben on Toast’, but with the lyrics subtly but cleverly changed to ‘Bond on Toast’.
- I’m already a proven hit – I have over 200 followers on Twitter. Daniel Craig? None. (Mr. Craig doesn’t have Twitter, but the point stands)
- I do a GREAT Roger Moore impression – Seriously, it’s THAT good.
- I know a great Sean Connery Joke – You’ll have to listen to the radio to hear it, as my Sean Connery impression is also pretty good (some say better than Moore, but I strongly disagree).
So there you go. (00)7 reasons (clever) why I should be James Bond. To show you’re support, please use the hashtag on Twitter #MakeBondSpreadable.
Together, we can the next Bond the most Spreadable and Delectable Spy there has ever being (not including Danger Mouse).